he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
