looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Found the puke drawer
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
