Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
