So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
