I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
