youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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