porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
