I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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