One girl and one boy is just not enough.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
