you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
