Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
