Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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