I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize