i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Drunk walkin through police station. America
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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