I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
