you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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