I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
