The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
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I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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