I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
