The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize