i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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