i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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