you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
