Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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