i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
