We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Drunk is a universal language darling
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
