i just snorted my name. best moment ever
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
