I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
