I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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