i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
