i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
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