i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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