Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
