Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you will always have a special place in my vag
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
