You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
