i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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