im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
