Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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