and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
