I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
