make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
