you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
