Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
