what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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