I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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