Betty ford says i'm here all night
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
