he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
