Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
