nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
