I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
