Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
