So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
