I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
