and you said cock pushups were impossible
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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