There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
