Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
