after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
