I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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