don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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