life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
this boner is exhausting
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
