Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",

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(502): View more from Kentucky

sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets

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(678): View more from Georgia

she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy

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(248): View more from Michigan

i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.

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These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Read it at the TFLN blog
(504): View more from Louisiana

Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?

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(954): View more from Florida

I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday

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(281): View more from Texas

Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?

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