Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.

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(480): WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE. http://tfl.nu/0o9o

Replies (4) Good night (706) Bad night (1869)
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(517): View more from Michigan

New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause

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(517): New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause http://tfl.nu/0zau

Replies (65) Good night (17425) Bad night (870)
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(641): View more from Iowa

Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.

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(641): Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout. http://tfl.nu/rilo

Replies (62) Good night (18278) Bad night (2159)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.

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(410): Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad. http://tfl.nu/536n

Replies (22) Good night (1182) Bad night (3691)
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(810): View more from Michigan

I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.

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(810): I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future. http://tfl.nu/04uk

Replies (31) Good night (1722) Bad night (6487)
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(714): View more from California

He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.

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(714): He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later. http://tfl.nu/n2z7

Replies (10) Good night (999) Bad night (3576)
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(231): View more from Michigan

His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.

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(231): His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots. http://tfl.nu/wxgc

Replies (6) Good night (3790) Bad night (801)
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(303): View more from Colorado

What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?

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(303): What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night? http://tfl.nu/ofgo

Replies (3) Good night (2214) Bad night (761)
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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.

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(709): By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco. http://tfl.nu/8qs4

Replies (11) Good night (2235) Bad night (1469)
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(210): View more from Texas

I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.

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(210): I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now. http://tfl.nu/26wy

Replies (9) Good night (721) Bad night (1800)
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(817): View more from Texas

I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.

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(817): I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream. http://tfl.nu/kzw3

Replies (16) Good night (586) Bad night (2001)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.

(262): View more from Wisconsin

I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.

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(262): Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward. (262): I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win. http://tfl.nu/2vvo

Replies (18) Good night (709) Bad night (1702)
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(214): View more from Texas

I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.

(469): View more from Texas

I have the flu.

(214): View more from Texas

I don't give a shit

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(214): I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now. (469): I have the flu. (214): I don't give a shit http://tfl.nu/yb1n

Replies (12) Good night (1234) Bad night (314)
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(443): View more from Maryland

If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago

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(443): If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago http://tfl.nu/tavn

Replies (4) Good night (356) Bad night (322)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..

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(918): You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man.. http://tfl.nu/8lw1

Replies (1) Good night (205) Bad night (612)

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