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Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
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