Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.

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  (850): OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you. http://tfl.nu/hptp
  Replies (11) Good night (921) Bad night (3559)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.

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  (630): it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up. http://tfl.nu/l5tu
  Replies (10) Good night (5487) Bad night (673)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.

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  (510): i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him. http://tfl.nu/wohd
  Replies (15) Good night (640) Bad night (4546)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  You better have your party panties on Saturday!

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  Why only Saturday?

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.

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  (205): You better have your party panties on Saturday! (1-205): Why only Saturday? (205): Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri. http://tfl.nu/ifn7
  Replies (26) Good night (4186) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.

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  (312): just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes. http://tfl.nu/gk7e
  Replies (15) Good night (1463) Bad night (3569)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.

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  (512): I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship. http://tfl.nu/fnhf
  Replies (12) Good night (4565) Bad night (999)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".

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  (812): We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells". http://tfl.nu/8dsx
  Replies (8) Good night (4276) Bad night (985)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake

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  (423): I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake http://tfl.nu/x2me
  Replies (5) Good night (819) Bad night (2196)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?

  (951): View more from California

  ...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...

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  (951): Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch? (951): ...and then running into your dad at said grocery store... http://tfl.nu/jg4u
  Replies (10) Good night (1482) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.

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  (719): And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing. http://tfl.nu/cuj5
  Replies (7) Good night (726) Bad night (421)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.

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  (574): I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night. http://tfl.nu/m1lp
  Replies (7) Good night (1307) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  That's a hard toss up

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  (413): I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver (1-413): That's a hard toss up http://tfl.nu/wcmj
  Replies (2) Good night (387) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts

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  (205): I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts http://tfl.nu/716i
  Replies (0) Good night (431) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?

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  (+44): What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles? http://tfl.nu/033m
  Replies (2) Good night (536) Bad night (260)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."

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  (616): She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20." http://tfl.nu/9pz5
  Replies (4) Good night (331) Bad night (559)

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