Don't make out with my wife yet
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.