Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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