pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
