I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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