Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
