Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
