spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
