Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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