Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
